you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
