yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
