sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
