I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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