its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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