whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In other news, I just burned my penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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