Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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