You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize