Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
