i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
