Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
