Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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