I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I CAN MOONWALK!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
