forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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