i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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