So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
