Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
