He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
