Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
