we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
