I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
