I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
