mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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