oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
