My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
