Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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