1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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