I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
