I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
