so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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