remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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