um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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