she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
