Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
