I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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