the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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