My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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