Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
