sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
