I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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