you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
