whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
