It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
