david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
