think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
