But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
