He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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