the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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