I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
