Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
