i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
