Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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