K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
