I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
