now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
