the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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