i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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