HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
