***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
