well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
