Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
