that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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