both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
