i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
