My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My dick has a subreddit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
