I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
