i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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