Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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