my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
