Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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