tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
