Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
