I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
