is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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