i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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