I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
