No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
