If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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