paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
