i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
pray to the hookup gods
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
