You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
