Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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