official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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