So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
